Who's a hero?
Ulysses the epic outwitter.
Hercules, all muscle and grit.
Robin Hood, lefthanded leftist archer.
The fat-fingered Dutchboy at the dyke.
Dragon slayer, answer to a maiden's prayer.
Marvelous Hulk, Beautiful Thing,
Saving the world, a drowning child
Or a capsized boatload of pilgrims.

Calling all medal owners of the world:
Unite the North with the South!
Introduce East to West!
Stay behind to wash the dishes!

Who caught the most and biggest fishes?
Fought the elements at 92?
Destroyed the Devil forever!
Rescued burning house babies?
To hell and back four times?
Audacious Audie McMurphy!

Santa in chimney despite Claustrophobia!
One-Armed Swordsman meets One-Armed Bandit &
Smashes international vice ring singlehanded!
Wanked at Wimbledon, winked at Brooke Shields!
Grinned at the bear!
Died at the Alamo!

Broke the bull's back at the rodeo,
Heard electronic spermatozoa in stereo,
Talked to the stars by organic mindbeams,
Never been to school,
Now an astronaut!
Studied Burt Lancaster's early films,
Spoke the truth in public,
Got Patricia Hearst Randolph Scott free.

The Further Exploits of...
Heroes never die!


The only antidote to heroin.


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